On Being a Better Listener - to yourself and to others

In class this week we focused our attention on listening to the body. Of course, we do that every time we step onto the mat to practice yoga anyway - we sit down, become quiet and start to pay attention to how we are feeling right in that moment. In each posture we check in to notice if, for example, we've clenched the jaw or the shoulders, if we're rooting down through the feet and if we're remembering to breathe. We are tuning in to the messages the body is constantly giving us but which we so often override. This is an important part of our practice - good alignment in the postures ensures that we don't overdo things and injure ourselves. Through our focused attention we might also notice where we are not fully engaged in the posture - which parts of us are asleep, so we can wake them up.

Practicing listening to the body in class helps us be more aware when we're "off the mat" and back out in our everyday lives too.  It's here that our attention is drawn outwards most of the time - taking care of our tasks and the needs and demands of those around us, whether that be at work or at home. And that's all good - we mustn't feel that it wrong - it's how we communicate with each other and it's a necessary part of being human. But life has become so very fast paced that it's easy to overlook the cues the body gives us and, if we're not listening, that can lead to problems.

For example, if your heart is pounding and you're breathing shallowly and you notice this, you can do something about it. Either by removing yourself from a difficult or dangerous situation completely, or if it's not quite so immediately challenging, by placing the right hand over the heart centre, eyes closed, and taking a few deep breaths until the anxiety has eased. Then there will be some space to make a decision about what to do rather than be completely stressed and in a blind panic. When the ability to listen to your body is strong you can notice more easily when you are on the verge of, say, getting a headache and take steps to alleviate it sooner. You can notice when you are thirsty (a message that is often confused with being hungry) and keep your self hydrated, when you are irritable because you are over-tired and need some rest, and when you've been sitting for too long in one position and need to stretch.

If you can remember check-in with yourself on a regular basis this ability to know what you need grows and blossoms and becomes a habit which will benefit you on and off the mat.

The inner guide
When there is more awareness of how the body is feeling, you'll also have more awareness of your inner voice too. Otherwise known as intuition, it's that gut feeling you get sometimes, when you just know that you should do something, it's like you're being guided towards it.  If you're tuned into yourself you'll know this voice. If you're not so tuned in you can learn to listen so you can start to hear it more clearly. While you're getting to know your inner voice, it's worth pausing before following your 'hunches' to ask yourself some questions before taking action just to be sure you're on the right path. Questions such as "would I advise someone else to follow this course of action" or "is this action in line with my values" will help you tell the difference between your intuition and what is just a thought or desire.

You can cultivate your intuition through meditation, which helps you become fully present with whatever it is that arises in that moment. Meditation helps you step back from the "noise" of life, the social conditioning and what is expected of you, and brings you back to yourself. It's listening to yourself without judgement. With practice, you'll become more familiar with your inner guide which will help you negotiate the inevitable twists and turns and ups and downs of life with greater clarity. Here is a link to an engaging article by Martha Beck about learning to listen to your inner voice. It's great - funny and very helpful - and definitely worth a read.

Listening to others
We can also use this cultivated awareness to become a better listener when talking to others too. This is a skill that some of us have innately - you know that friend you'll always turn to when you have a problem? They're probably a good listener and help you feel better by just giving you their full attention while you talk your problem through. You might have other friends you turn to for a solution - they're the ones who'll tell you what to do to solve the problem but often they don't tend to listen quite so well! I'm one of the latter, but I'm working on cultivating my listening skills because I know I have a tendency to want to jump in with a solution to 'fix' a problem, and that's not always what people need. It comes from a good place - I want to show my support, empathise or offer a solution but nevertheless, I'm interrupting them. Sometimes, your undivided attention, is enough of a help all on its own. I'm learning that I don't necessarily need to agree and sympathise with the person but I need to hear them out and allow them the space to talk. I'm learning not to jump in while people are talking. I'm learning that just saying the words "I hear what you're saying" or "what you're saying is....." can often be enough to make the person feel valued and that their problem has been heard. I can then offer advice if they want it, but often they don't, they just need me to listen.

It doesn't feel good when you know the person you are talking to isn't really listening. In our culture there are so many distractions and it's easy to half-listen to people when they are talking. In my house we have a strict no phones at the dinner table policy so that we can talk properly and this is super-helpful in keeping conversation going with my somewhat reluctant 15 year old son. When he comes home from school and I ask him how his day was I try to stop what I'm doing and give him my full attention, with eye contact, just for a few minutes. It lets him know I'm really interested in him. This is yoga in action. Yoga seeping out into everyday life. When you give your family the gift of your full attention you'll be practicing your mindfulness and helping them to feel valued at the same time.

Below is a short video from Julian Treasure, speaker and master communicator, with some science stuff about the art of listening and 5 practical ways to increase your listening skills. It's definitely worth a listen.......

This week's recipe is Baked Falafel Burgers. It comes from the book Veggie Burgers Every Which Way by Lukas Volger which my husband got for Christmas. He cooked them for our dinner last night and said they were quick and easy to make. They're very healthy - chickpeas are high in fibre so very good for your digestive system, and are high in antioxidants too. We ate them with some stir fried vegetables and sweet potato fries - yum!

Note: In this recipe the chickpeas are soaked overnight but not cooked. Cooked chickpeas won't work because there is too much liquid and the burgers will fall apart as they cook. 

Makes four 10cm/4 inch burgers. Preparation and cooking time (not including overnight soaking) 40 minutes

You will need:

175g/6oz dried chickpeas, rinsed thoroughly
1 onion, roughly chopped
2 garlic cloves
25g/1oz roughly chopped fresh parsley
Zest of 1 lemon
Juice of half a lemon
1 tablespoon toasted cumin seeds
Half a teaspoon of bicarbonate of soda
Three-quarters of a teaspoon of salt
Half a teaspoon of freshly ground black pepper
A quarter of a teaspoon of cayenne pepper
1 tablespoon of chickpea flour, if needed
(Gideon said that next time he would add a tiny bit of chilli powder too, for an extra kick)

Here's how to make it:

1. Cover the chickpeas with 10-13cm/4-5 inches of water in a bowl and let sit for 24 hours. Drain thoroughly.

2. Preheat the oven to 200C/400F/gas mark 6.

3. Combine the chickpeas, onions, garlic, parsley, lemon zest and juice, cumin, bicarb of soda, salt, black pepper and cayenne in a food processor. Pulse until coarsely combined. If the mixture if struggling to come together add a bit of water, but no more than 2 tablespoons. (The mixture will fall apart when cooking if there's too much liquid.) If water is added, stir in the chickpea flour. Adjust seasonings. Shape into patties (it will be a fairly wet dough).

4. Place the patties on a liberally oiled baking sheet. Bake for 15 to 20 minutes, flipping them once halfway through until golden and firm. 

I've received a suggestion to share the music I play in class - what a great idea! So each week I'm going to choose one track on my playlist to share with you here.

Last week I was playing 'Om Hraum Mitraya' by Deva Premal from the album Dakshina. Here it is for you to listen to - take a few minutes to close your eyes, breathe smoothly and deeply and offer yourself the gift of listening to something very relaxing....

And finally, nothing to do with listening but just because they're so very cute.....