Go Gratitude!

I was recently given a gift from one of my students. She had just returned from a visit to Dharamshala in Northern India where she had the honor of visiting the Dalai Lama! She brought this scroll back for me:

The words on it read “Everyday, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to be alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others; to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others. I am going to benefit others as much as I can.” – Dalai Lama

It's now hanging on my wall as a constant reminder to be grateful for the abundance in my life and, indeed, for life itself.

If you've been practicing yoga for a while you will be aware of the Yamas and Niyamas - the first and second of the 8 limbs of yoga as written down by the ancient sage Patanjali as guidelines for living a fulfilling and meaningful life. The Yamas help us align our behaviour so that we can live harmoniously with others. There are 5 Yamas, the last of which is Aparigraha which translates as non-possessiveness or non-grasping.

Practicing Aparigraha teaches us how to let go of attachment to things we don't have in our life, and to have gratitude for the many things that we already do. It brings us an awareness of our consumer culture where we are constantly fed adverts and images of things we are told we "should" have in our lives. Once we are aware of this, we can consciously choose the things we would like to enhance our lives and not just buy because we are told our lives are lacking or because someone else has them and we feel we should too. Practicing gratitude turns lack into abundance.

This article by Leo Babauta from zenhabits.net provides a helpful list of ways you can be grateful.

8 Tremendously Important Ways That Gratitude Can Change Your Life

“If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, “thank you,” that would suffice.” – Meister Eckhart

It’s amazing how one simple, easy, positive action can change so much in a person’s life.

One of the things that has had the biggest effect on my life is the realization of the power of gratitude. Simply giving thanks.

It has affected everything. It has made me a more positive person. A more productive person. A better achiever. A better husband and father and son and brother (at least, I like to think so). A happier person. I’m not perfect, but gratitude has made me better.

Can it change your life as well? I can guarantee it. You might not get the exact same benefits as I have, but there’s no doubt in my mind that the simple act of gratitude on a regular basis will change anyone’s life, positively and immediately. How many other changes can claim to be that quick, that easy, and that profound?

Let’s take a look at some of the ways you can incorporate gratitude into your life, and how it will change your life. These are just some examples, based on my experience and the experiences of others I’ve talked with, and not all will apply to your life. But pick and choose the ones you think will work for you.

1. Have a morning gratitude session. Take one minute in the morning (make it a daily ritual) to think of the people who have done something nice for you, to think of all the things in your life you’re grateful for. You won’t get to everything in one minute, but it’s enough. And it will instantly make your day better, and help you start your day off right. Can you think of a better use of one minute?

2. When you’re having a hard day … make a gratitude list. We all have those bad days sometimes. We are stressed out from work. We get yelled at by someone. We lose a loved one. We hurt a loved one. We lose a contract or do poorly on a project. One of the things that can make a bad day much better is making a list of all the things you’re thankful for. There are always things to be thankful for — loved ones, health, having a job, having a roof over your head and clothes on your back, life itself.

3. Instead of getting mad at someone, show gratitude. That’s a major switching of attitudes — actually a complete flip. And so this isn’t always easy to do. But I can promise you that it’s a great thing to do. If you get mad at your co-worker, for example, because of something he or she did … bite your tongue and don’t react in anger. Instead, take some deep breaths, calm down, and try to think of reasons you’re grateful for that person. Has that person done anything nice for you? Has that person ever done a good job? Find something, anything, even if it’s difficult. Focus on those things that make you grateful. It will slowly change your mood. And if you get in a good enough mood, show your gratitude to that person. It will improve your mood, your relationship, and help make things better. After showing gratitude, you can ask for a favor — can he please refrain from shredding your important documents in the future? And in the context of your gratitude, such a favor isn’t such a hard thing for the co-worker to grant.

4. Instead of criticising your significant other, show gratitude. This is basically the same as the above tactic, but I wanted to point out how gratitude can transform a marriage or relationship. If you constantly criticize your spouse, your marriage will slowly deteriorate — I promise you. It’s important to be able to talk out problems, but no one likes to be criticized all the time. Instead, when you find yourself feeling the urge to criticize, stop and take a deep breath. Calm down, and think about all the reasons you’re grateful for your spouse. Then share that gratitude, as soon as possible. Your relationship will become stronger. Your spouse will learn from your example — especially if you do this all the time. Your love will grow, and all will be right in the world.

5. Instead of complaining about your kids, be grateful for them. Many parents (myself included) get frustrated with their children. They are too slow to do things, they have a bad attitude, they can’t clean up after themselves, and they pick their nose too much. Unfortunately, sometimes parents will communicate that frustration to their children too often, and the kids will begin to feel bad about themselves. Many parents have done this, and while it’s not perfect, it’s a part of parenthood. But there’s a better way: follow the method above of calming down when you’re frustrated, and thinking of reasons you’re grateful to your child. Share these reasons with your child. And then take the opportunity to teach them, instead of criticizing them.

6. When you face a major challenge, be grateful for it. Many people will see something difficult as a bad thing. If something goes wrong, it’s a reason to complain, it’s a time of self-pity. That won’t get you anywhere. Instead, learn to be grateful for the challenge — it’s an opportunity to grow, to learn, to get better at something. This will transform you from a complainer into a positive person who only continues to improve. People will like you better and you’ll improve your career. Not too shabby.

7. When you suffer a tragedy, be grateful for the life you still have. I’ve recently lost an aunt, and my children recently lost a grandmother. These tragedies can be crippling if you let them overcome you. And while I’m not saying you shouldn’t grieve — of course you should — you can also take away something even greater from these tragedies: gratitude for the life you still have. Appreciation for the fleeting beauty of life itself. Love for the people who are still in your life. Take this opportunity to show appreciation to these people, and to enjoy life while you can.

8. Instead of looking at what you don’t have, look at what you do have. Have you ever looked around you and bemoaned how little you have? How the place you live isn’t your dream house, or the car you drive isn’t as nice as you’d like, or your peers have cooler gadgets or better jobs? If so, that’s an opportunity to be grateful for what you already have. It’s easy to forget that there are billions of people worse off than you — who don’t have much in the way of shelter or clothes, who don’t own a car and never will, who don’t own a gadget or even know what one is, who don’t have a job at all or only have very menial, miserable jobs in sweatshop conditions. Compare your life to these people’s lives, and be grateful for the life you have. And realize that it’s already more than enough, that happiness is not a destination — it’s already here.

Keeping a Gratitude Journal

One of the best ways I have found to practice gratitude is by writing down 3 things that I am grateful for that day. I started with the most important things like family, friends, my home and health, then expanded outwards. 

I tried not to write the same thing over and over, although I will always be grateful for the big things that I wrote down first. Now I find that I am writing down the little things which make life feel abundant. At this moment, as I write this, it is warm enough to have the patio doors open, there is a blackbird sitting in the tree in my garden singing it's heart out and I am also listening to some lovely music. This is a good moment and I am grateful. 

I don't write in my journal every day - I don't want it to feel like a chore - but I do keep it by my bed so it is within easy reach and it's a lovely thing to do before I go to sleep. 

I recommend writing in a gratitude journal as a way to bring you to the present moment, and help you appreciate what's happening right here and now, but it is also nice to look back through it every now and then. You'll realise you have written down page after page of good things about your life and you can see how fabulous, plentiful and precious it really is.

My gratitude journal - another beautiful gift from a friend 

Banana Ice-Cream Recipe

Did you try last week's super-simple recipe for Broccoli Soup? I made it again today for lunch - so yummy! I really didn't think I could find a simpler recipe but I was reminded about this one because I am making dinner tonight for a diabetic guest and I just had to share it with you. Here is the ingredients list:

2 ripe bananas

Yup, that's it!  Just 2 bananas is what you need to make ice-cream!!!

Here's how to make it:

Peel and slice your two bananas into rounds and put in the freezer in a tupperware for at least 4 hours.  

Put the frozen banana pieces in a small food processor or blender and whizz them up. At first they will look like breadcrumbs. Scrape down the food processor with a spatula.

Blend again and the banana pieces will start to turn gooey. Scrape down and blend again. The mixture will change consistency to a creamy ice-cream texture. Blend once more briefly (here you can add extras like chopped nuts or chocolate chips if you want). Then scrape the mixture back into the tupperware and put back in the freezer for a while to firm it up again. Serve using an ice-cream scoop. Magic, magic, magic!!!

This is nice - you might need a tissue to wipe your eye! Then go do it yourself - I did and it felt good ;-)

https://youtu.be/oHv6vTKD6lg?list=PLzvRx_johoA_QznlVHjbByQdHZAhWRQzr

Is Yoga About Limitless Flexibility?

To outsiders yoga appears to be all about flexibility, but US teacher Alexandria Crow says it’s so much more in this article from Yoga Journal. (And yes, there is such a thing as too flexible.)

She says: "It’s one of the first excuses I run across out in the world of people who don’t practice yoga. The conversation usually starts with someone asking what I do for a living. When I tell them I teach yoga, almost invariably the response is “I’m not flexible enough to do yoga.” I usually tell them it’s not about flexibility and that they should try it.

On the flip side: Many beginning yogis come to class because they are flexible be it from dance, gymnastics, or just a natural proclivity. And it’s no wonder. Western yoga’s focus on asana, the media’s representation of the practice, and even practitioners’ wow-worthy pose posts on social media sure do make it appear to be about flexibility—and oftentimes of to unbridled limitless extreme. But Patanjali never said yoga was about flexibility and he certainly didn’t define asana as limitless flexibility.

There Is No Flexibility Without Stability

In the Yoga Sutra, Patanjali calls asana a pairing of effort and ease, or effort and release (there are many translations). He’s trying to point out is that life is full of seemingly opposing experiences. Besides effort and ease, there is pleasure and pain, day and night, loss and gain, like and dislike, the list is endless.

Next, he mentions that when those seemingly opposing experiences are paired together in the moment in asana, the practitioner learns that they are actually one in the same. That is, both experiences are impermanent and both will pass.

For any experience to exist, though, there must be an opposite or contrast to it for our minds to hold on to. Think about that. There would be no black without white, no day without night. There wouldn’t be flexibility without contrasting stability.

There Is Such a Thing As Too Flexible

Limitless flexibility without balanced strength and stability ignores the need for the duality to exist. Just as the tighter, more stable yoga student must learn to become more flexible, the already-flexible student must work to increase strength and stability. Yoga teachers would never encourage a student to become so strong that they eliminated all range of motion in their joints. And likewise, I believe teachers must wisely teach students that there is a limit to beneficial flexibility.

Take a rubber band for example. A new one is stretchy and can extend a lot, but still strong enough to hold whatever it’s wrapped around. But the more you stretch and use a rubber band, the less strong it gets. Over time it’s stretched out so much that it’s rendered useless. Same goes for muscles. While most people could stand to lengthen their hamstrings and glutes, there is a limit to how far is wise. At a certain point, your muscles stop being strong enough to hold your skeleton in proper alignment. The result: injuries galore.

Yoga is not all about flexibility. It’s about about balancing it with stability. Can’t touch your toes? You can become the person with your face on your shins one day if you put the effort into it. But if you don’t maintain your strength, you end up leaning too far to one extreme without the contrast necessary in life for it to be an experience at all."

Broccoli Soup - the quickest soup recipe I've ever made

You know that I like my recipes quick and easy. Too many ingredients and I can't seem to keep track of them all and usually end up leaving a vital one out! Well, this recipe by Jamie Oliver wins the prize. And it tastes great. And it's really good for you.

Here's some nutritional information in case you need a reminder of just how good for you broccoli is. 400g of broccoli contains:


136 calories, 1.6g total fat, 6.8g sugar, 11.2g protein (that's 22% of your daily value based on a 2000 calorie per day diet). It has the following other daily values: 0% Cholesterol, 5% Sodium, 36% Potassium, Total Carbohydrate 9%, 41% dietary fibre, 49% Vitamin A, 594% (yes that's what it says - 594%!!!) Vitamin C, 15% Iron, 40% Vitamin B6, 21% Magnesium.

If you'd like to make this soup you will need the following ingredients:

• 1 garlic clove, chopped
• 2 celery stalks, roughly chopped
• 400g broccoli, roughly chopped
• 1 litre of vegetable stock
• handful of mint
• splash of olive oil
• ricotta, to serve

Heat a splash of olive oil in a pan, then add the garlic and roughly-chopped celery stalks for about 2–3 mins. Add the broccoli and stock. Continue cooking for another 5-6 mins, then blitz with a handful of mint in a food processor. Season and serve, topped with crumbled ricotta and mint leaves. Serves 2–3.

In class this week this I offered this quote about forgiveness by Marianne Williamson:

"Forgiveness isn't always easy. At times it seems more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness."

The Dalai Lama repeatedly advises that we do not think badly about others, but sometimes it can seem impossible not to if we have been hurt and feel we have been wronged. He also says that forgiveness isn't about condoning wrong doing, it is about letting go for your own inner peace and for a peaceful world in general.

In my inbox this morning was this email from Leo Babauta from zenhabits.net about ways to deal with difficult people... synchronicity I think.

7 Strategies for Dealing with Toxic People

By Leo Babauta

Are there people who constantly criticize you, tell you that you can’t do things, make you feel bad about yourself, even yell at you? These are toxic people. Dealing with them is never easy, but it’s such a difficult problem that it’s worth looking at some strategies you might consider.

I was reminded of this problem by a reader recently, who asked, “What if toxic people are my family? How do I shut them out? What if I can’t find the courage to rise above them?”

I have to confess, there aren’t any easy answers. I’ve used a number of strategies in my life, and I’ll share what I’ve tried:

1. Practice self-compassion when you’re feeling bad. This is always my first step these days, as I’ve learned how useful this method is. Think about it: if you’re feeling bad because of someone else’s behavior, you might show your anger or irritation in your actions and words, and that only makes that person more likely to be toxic. Your bad feelings are not only horrible for you, but for the situation. So try this when you notice you’re feeling bad from someone else’s actions/words: turn inward and notice your feelings, instead of avoiding them. What do they feel like in your body? After a minute, try creating a feeling of love towards yourself. Wish yourself happiness, and an end to your suffering. Wish yourself a life of joy and peacefulness. This won’t magically cure the pain, but it’s a good place to start.

2. Talk to other people. I’ve found that when I’m hurting, I often don’t want to admit it to other people, but then when I talk to someone about it, I inevitably feel better. So take the plunge and talk to someone. Share your feelings, ask for them to listen, maybe even give advice. The advice doesn’t matter so much as the connection and listening.

3. Practice empathy and compassion. Try practicing the same compassion method towards the person who frustrates you. In your heart, wish them happiness. See that they’re also going through difficulties, like you are, and that’s why they act that way. Wish for an end to their suffering. Wish them a life of joy and ease.

4. Talk to the toxic person. Once you start to feel more compassionate towards the other person, talk to them. Yes, they might not act in a compassionate and peaceful way towards you, but you can be the better person. You can see that they’re suffering in some way, and are acting inappropriately because of that suffering. Try connecting with them, sharing that you’re having a hard time, asking for their support. This might not always turn out well, but if you do it in a spirit of connection, they might be open to this discussion.

5. Model the behavior you want to see. Often I get mad at other people for getting mad at me, and then I’m doing the same thing they are, behaving badly because they behaved badly. Even if I feel it’s their fault, my behavior escalates the situation. So I try to show how to deal with frustration, try to be compassionate with them, try to show a positive way of dealing with things. And often that can have a great effect, even if it’s not immediate.

6. Find more positive friends. If all of this isn’t working, it helps to find other people who are more aligned with the way you want to live. People who are creative, entrepreneurial, self-sufficient, excited about things, positive, healthy, happy. Find them in your local running club, yoga or crossfit class, Toastmasters, volunteer organizations. Find them online in various positive communities. Take the plunge and reach out, develop relationships. Buy someone tea or coffee and start a friendship. One by one, nurture the relationships that have a positive influence in your life, and be a positive influence in theirs. I’ve done this in my life, and it’s made a huge difference.

7. Cut them out. It’s a harsh thing, but when family members aren’t supportive of me, if they’re constantly critical and angry … and none of the above works … I will just stop seeing them as much. I’ll do my own thing. See other friends. That’s harder to do, of course, when they live with you, but even then you can go out for a run, take a hike and see nature, meditate, create. Don’t let the thinking about toxic people be the thing you focus on all day — put your mind in more peaceful, creative, positive places.

Here's a short video of Oprah explaining her "ah-ha" moment on forgiveness:

Wishing you a peaceful week :-)